Eating away at me

I shove food in my mouth
Barely pausing to chew
Eating away the memories
That hurt me again and again
When the last of the pain
Is swallowed
I stumble to the bathroom
Falling in front of the open toilet
Leaning forward
I get on my knees
And force my finger in my throat
Instantly my reflexes kick in
And I puke all over the clean white rim
The hurt feels better going out
Then it does coming in
It’s only this one time
I won’t do it again
I lie to myself
Of course I’ll do it again
I’ll wait till everything builds up
Then eat my sorrow from the inside out
I’ll puke as if I have nothing to lose
And I won’t regret the pain that I cause
People call what I have
And eating disorder
But I eat just fine
It’s the pain
That has an eating disorder
It never quits eating away at me